Tag Archives: tennis

BCCI Declared Life Long Ban On Street Cricket

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Street Cricket in India

Street Cricket in India

The BCCI (Board of Control for Cricket in India) today decided to ban all forms of galli, indoor, school-kid and ‘customised’ cricket games, including those played on streets, in homes, and with tennis, hockey or plastic balls. The BCCI has also declared a life-long ban on those individuals, especially young children, who “spoil the spirit of the game by playing cricket on roads and streets, with tennis or other such balls and do not wear pads or gloves while batting or keeping, among others.”

“This is a gross violation of the rules of the game. It is illegal, lowers the dignity

of both the ICC and BCCI, and therefore, strictly speaking from today onwards, shall be punished,” a BCCI official, beaming with glee, announced.

“We are specially warning children playing cricket without wearing shoes, pads and gloves, or using tennis balls or any non-­cricket ball — stop it or face our fury, which will

be unleashed ruthlessly, by placing a life ban on you, preventing you from watching any IPL matches, having your thumbs cut off

if you persist, or your TV cables blocked out of all cricket telecasts,” the official told Sedition and Perdition.

Along predictable lines, all major cricketers, international cricket bodies, national cricket bodies, BCCI officials, ex-cricketers, commentators, Bollywood stars, irrelevant politicians manning cricket bodies, and loads of sport lovers in India supported the move.

“Quite frankly this ban should have been brought into place long ago. For decades now, Indians across the country have been insulting their self-confessed religion of cricket, demeaning its stature, lowering its dignity and indulging in other blasphemous actions, including using tennis balls. How would Brazil react if kids there played soccer with a cricket ball?” a cricket commentator, earlier caught in a betting and match fixing scandal sermonised. “Tennis balls, aagrrh.”

But in sharp reaction, sports goods shops, tennis associations and coaches, condemned the ban on tennis ball cricket. “We will be destroyed if we are not allowed to sell tennis balls to Indian children so they can play cri­cket with it. What do you think all these tennis courts and tennis balls and racquets are purchased for…to play tennis? Good god, no!”

Tennis coaches across India, who help Indian children perfect the art of playing cri­cket with tennis balls threatened to go on strike if the ban was not removed. “What will we do? How will we earn and how will we feed our families? Tennis coaches in India will become bankrupt if they have to earn their livelihood teaching tennis,” they said.

In another sinister move, Lalit Modi

announced the creation of a new premium league of cricket which will have 10 overs an innings, to be played only with tennis balls, on simulated gallis.

“This multi-billion dollar league is my

innovation, a new way of playing cricket. We will have everyone who matters — political parties, godmen, industrial houses and Bollywood stars to bid for the teams. Just imagine, premium schools, slums and common galli kids all selected on a reality show with Danny Boyle as a judge, top-notch cricketers from around the world joining the teams, purchased by these cash-rich cricket lovers, and mind you, only 10 over a side, leaving more television time for ads and entertainment… all this is my idea and contribution to cricket,” Modi told SedPerd in an exclusive interview that never happened.

Legendary cricket Sunil Gavaskar, who just managed to save his skin from a life ban for having played cricket in narrow gallis, proclaimed the genius of Modi. “He is to cricket what Goebbels was to the Nazi party,” he told SedPerd in a fictional interview. “Just imagine taking something that is already there, banning it using your muscle, then making a format of it and earning billions… That is the genius of the BCCI and Modi.”

Objectivist, a near anonymous philosopher, reacted saying, “It was always there openly in front of the public. The alphabet ‘C’ in BCCI stands for control…why cric­ket or cricketers need control, no one questioned. This is the logical end of it.”

In the meanwhile, exuberant stars began planning for the bids, cricketers globally

announced retirement from Test and One Day Internationals cricket to join the Indian Tennis-ball Galli Cricket League, while TV moguls smacked their lips, ad men went frantic creating newer galli-compliant Zoo-Zoos, and little cricket loving kids shrugged their shoulders and began playing Kabbadi on Indian streets, while the unheard poet screamed in pain, “they have destroyed my dear game of cricket completely”.

Andy Murray Positioned on Top 10 Singing Sports Stars

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Andy Murray, 22, comes into the United States Open as the No. 2 player in the world, shooting up four spots in the rankings since he was a finalist at the Open last year. Ahead of his first game at this year’s US Open tonight, Andy Murray has recorded a rap song to be included on a new album by American doubles stars the Bryan Brothers.

The young Scot joins a long list of sports stars who’ve tried their hand at rapping or singing when not on the field of play.
Here’s our pick of the best (not critically, you understand) musical sports stars, with video accompaniments to prove just how bad some of these guys are.
Carl Lewis
First up it’s America’s favourite athlete of the 1980s, Carl Lewis, who took up singing when he quit the track in the early 1990s. He shouldn’t have bothered, as this terrible, terrible rendition of his national anthem proves.

Mark Butcher
England cricketer Butcher, who retired last month, always took his guitar on tour with him and often conducted sing-alongs in his hotel room with other members of the England cricket team. He’s currently promoting his new album Songs From The Sun. Here he is in action.
Matt Stevens


Before he tested positive for cocaine in 2009, England rugby player Matt Stevens made a name for himself in the dressing room at the 2007 World Cup by belting out The Gambler by Kenny Rogers ahead of each game. He went on to release his version of the song ahead of England’s loss to South Africa in the final, although the two incidents are not thought to be related. Here he is singing Mack the Knife on The X Factor: Battle of the Stars.
Tennis stars
Andy Murray’s foray into rap doesn’t represent his first time behind the mic as this clip of world tennis stars singing (in the broadest possible sense of the word) The Twelve Days of Christmas demonstrates.

Jacques Villeneuve
The former F1 world champ penned lyrics and strummed his guitar throughout his driving career but it wasn’t until 2007 that he released his first album, Private Paradise. Check out one of the songs below, plus an explanation from Jacques about exactly what he’s up to.
Shaquille O’Neal
Okay, so you’re at the centre of a much-publicised, long-running feud with a fellow basketball player, what do you do to get one over on your rival? Go into rap, of course, and diss him gangsta style. That’s exactly what Shaq did when he took to the stage and launched into a tirade against Kobe Bryant, asking him somewhat bizarrely “how’s my ass taste?”
Peter Ebdon
Why, oh why did snooker star Ebbo release this truly awful cover of David Cassidy’s I Am A Clown? Yes Pete, you are a clown.
John Daly
‘All my exes were Rolexes,’ sang golfer Daly on his country album way back in the 1990s, and he wasn’t wrong. Considering his lifestyle (gambling, alcoholism, outrageous garb) country music is a perfect fit for the major winner, and he’s toured the bars of America playing his tunes. Here he is playing alongside Hootie & The Blowfish.
‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage


What made the Macho Man really macho was when he turned to rap music to vent his spleen at fellow actor, sorry wrestler, Hulk Hogan, not unlike Shaquille O’Neal above. Check out his flavours below, with a bizarre introduction from bona fide rap star 50 Cent.
Brett Lee and Kuma Sangakarra

Andrey Murray is ready on his first album

Andrey Murray is ready on his first album

Cricket’s a tough game, what with hard leather balls flying around at 90 MPH, broken bones aplenty and all that sledging, so why, oh why are Brett and Kuma singing I Want It That Way by Backstreet Boys? The image of the game has just regressed by decades.